Santa: so I'm your homie (glancing at the inscription on the little boy's shirt).
Boy: yes, Santa, I love you.
Girl: Santa, is your beard real (as she strokes it)
Santa: yes of course it is. Santa is very, very old. This is what happens to your beard when you're very old. Do you hear my reindeer prancing on the roof (Santa deftly changing the subject). Listen carefully and you'll hear them.
Santa: what do you want for Christmas, little girl?
Girl: I want an iphone plus
Santa: (OMG, peeking at parents, how do I avoid stepping into this minefield). Do you hear my reindeer prancing on the roof (deftly changing the subject). Listen carefully.
Santa: what do you want for Christmas, little boy.
Parent: (trying to be funny) He deserves a big pile of coal.
Santa: No! No! No! Santa doesn't do coal anymore. Climate change is melting the North Pole.
Santa: (one of the high school kids sneaked into the Santa line) My how you've grown. What do you want for Christmas, little boy?
Boy: what do you pay the elves?
Santa: peanuts.
Boy: stop oppressing the elves.
Santa: the elves aren't oppressed ... they're Wobblies.
Boy: what's a Wobbly.
Santa: Google it (these progressive kids aren't as smart as they think)
The kids may not all look the same, but they all love Santa ... at least the little ones.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
And up the chimney I rose.
